Happy November

I know, long time, no updates. It’s November already, wow! My mom will be having her birthday next week, and after that, I’ll have the house to myself for a few days! I’m so excited. I’ll have one day of school, a house to myself, and plenty of time to think things over. More on that in a bit.

This past Monday, I went to the school counselor and changed my major to practical nursing. I have next semester’s schedule all planned out, and I’m looking at sixteen credits, some of which are only a month or so long. The big one is anatomy and physiology; it is a five credit course and meets twice a week for the whole semester. I planned it so if I needed to take a vacation, it could happen. Basically, I’m looking at a Tuesday to Thursday class the last half of the semester in the evenings, which is pretty awesome, or at least I think so.

Last week, I spent ten hours outside of class to work on this group project presentation. I have no idea why I volunteered to work on the group activity, it was really hard. Our group gave our presentation on Wednesday evening, and I think we did well. After looking at the other group’s presentations, I think we went out of our way on doing a group activity. The other groups handed out paper visuals and did a word find, while we handed out cards that people had to place into the correct envelopes to represent that specific term or part of a MIS.

I’m sorry I haven’t been able to update for a while. If you asked my friends, you’d see that I’ve been pretty withdrawn the past couple of weeks. There’s something wrong with my mental state. I stopped taking my BCP since I felt different with all the hormones in my body; I didn’t feel like myself. I still don’t. Can you believe, I’ve actually thought about ending my life? I’m not stupid enough to do it, but me having somewhat uncontrolled thoughts about it makes me worry.

I feel like a piece of me is missing, and I don’t know why. I’m happy that a man I met almost a year ago has started talking to me. He wants to come visit me, but I’m not sure that’s a good idea, since I’m afraid he wants to be more than friends. The age difference is too far apart for us to be doing that sort of thing, anyway. He used to be a teacher, and he’s had to deal with teenagers and their emotions before, and I’m hoping that if I have a chance to talk to him about it, it’ll make me feel better. I like to talk to people who don’t know who my friends are, or to people I don’t know at all, since it makes me feel more secure about what I have to say; nobody will know and they won’t tell anyone.

I’m Having Surgery

Whee! English is over. Tomorrow is the last day of the trimester. I’m so happy. I FINALLY found my portfolio for foundations class. It was hiding in my dad’s room. I finished it all, so the only homework I have left is that fact sheet for self-development. My topic got changed to hair, which really made me happy, because after thinking of my previous topic, this topic seems much easier. I went to see the neurosurgeon again this morning. Yup, I’m having surgery. I didn’t hear much of what he said because I was in total shock. I mean, I was thinking surgery would be the next option, but hearing a doctor telling me that just freaked me out. But I have a while to think about it. I really want to be better, but I also want to be really better for the mass the choir and orchestra is putting on. It will take me a week to recover, so I need to think really hard about my decision. I think this is one of the hardest decisions I will have to make in my teenage life.