Cancer Free

Last week I found out my tumor markers are undetectable and my doctor has told me I am currently cancer-free.  A neck ultrasound showed no lymph node enlargement or nodules.  My pulmonologist reviewed my previous three CT scans and decided that there are no changes in my lungs.  He diagnosed me with granulomatous lung disease.  His exact words were, “you will die with it, not because of it.”

Crap.

Dear Clinic,

Thank you for informing me three months ago that you will be closing your doors and will no longer be accepting new patients. As a current patient, I was entitled to visits up until the closing of the clinic, which was scheduled for the end of January.

I made my appointment for a date that was a month ago. I was canceled because my clinician was ill. I was told I was going to be rescheduled. I had faith in you.

After sitting on my bum for a month, I finally call you and find out that she is no longer seeing patients and that she doesn’t have any forwarding information. I am not able to see anyone else at the clinic because I would be considered a new patient to those providers.

So, you’re officially closed to me. Thanks for letting me know on such short notice that I have to find someone new and tell my story all over again. (Wasn’t the point in you letting me know you were closing was so I could tie up those loose ends and find someone else??)

Amanda

But I Thought…?

Aren’t doctors supposed to be professional? Doesn’t that mean they’re not supposed to chew gum when giving an exam? And how about taking off my glasses when shining that light into my eye? Is there something wrong with a nurse who blows their nose with a tissue, and continues the exam without washing his hands? What about his coughing? What about not even doing the exam properly?

I’m still convinced you’re the reason my blood pressure was being read at 140/99 – fuckers. Look. I went to school to learn how to do that, and I KNOW you don’t have me raise my arm in the air when I’m standing up. Read my paperwork…and you’ll discover that my tonsils are swollen for a reason, and that I walk funny because of a foot injury, and I have a scar on my back because I had surgery…

Last night ended “eventfully”. I met up with a friend for dinner, then hopped into the car and went for a drive *wink* to a nice house. A house without anything in it. Except windows, doors, and floors.

My mother caught me, had to explain myself…and let me be the first to tell you, I’m glad she understands.

I cried last night.

Oh, but at the dinner table tonight…

…she insisted on talking about someone. Actually, I think it went like this out of the blue:

“It was his mother, wasn’t it?”
Uh, I don’t know. Does it look like I care? Because, I don’t care… “I’m not sure.”
“You never found out, did you?”
“I told you, I haven’t talked to him.”
“Why aren’t you talking to him?”
“Sixty days.”
“What’s sixty days?”
“…the amount of time between us seeing/talking to each other.”
“Oh, that’s what he wanted.”
“No, that’s not what he said. That’s what I’m giving him.”
“So, when are you going to talk to him?”
“I don’t know, at least sixty days.”
“Sixty days…?”
“I just explained it.”
“So, if he calls you tomorrow, will you answer.”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because…”
“He’s going to call you and tell you what a big mistake it was…”
“I’m pretty sure he won’t be doing that.”
“Why?”
“Because he knows that one of the following will happen. A, I tell him I don’t want to talk to him. Basically tell him it’s over because that’s what I thought he wanted. Or, B, we get back together and he pays through the nose for what he’s done.”
“Good girl. I raised you right.”
“Isn’t that the truth…”
“Hey, I noticed you didn’t go to Applebee’s last night.”
“Sure I did.”
“Oh, OK. How’s the rebound relationship going?”
“What relationship?”
“Then, do you care to tell me why your bra was in the back seat of the car?”
“Umm…well, there’s that guy. Becky’s friend. And we’re friends. But we like…oh, I know what you’re thinking!”
“No I’m not.”
“Just to let you know, we haven’t…”

Never been so happy. Saying that makes me sad. 🙁 It’s nice being able to get hugs whenever you feel like it. And the other stuff, like quality time where you can talk about anything. All thanks to a friend I no longer have…