The Staycation

Staycation.  Its meaning is simple; a short getaway near one’s home.  After hubby’s medical procedure, his time off work was getting to both of us.  We were bored and were going stir-crazy.  By Thursday afternoon I felt like I was ready to pull my hair out.  After dinner that night I became stressed from a lot of overthinking, perhaps, and told hubby things that I haven’t explained to him.  This “oversharing” and telling him my feelings and what’s on my mind are making our relationship stronger.  I’m still working to gain his trust; I don’t expect it to happen overnight.

The loss of trust because I fucked up.  Halfway.

Therapy is going well but is getting rather expensive due to not being covered by insurance.  I am getting to the root of my problems.  In early November I was ready to stop going to my sessions because it became too painful.  Discussing very private topics, with a man, no less, can be embarrassing.  But I see my therapist as helping me very much and I plan to continue to go to my sessions.  During the last session I had last week, I mentioned that I was depressed.  A few weeks before that I was feeling on top of the world.  My therapist suggested I call my psychiatric nurse practitioner to see if my medications can be changed before my appointment, which is on Friday.  I was told nothing could be done and that if I had an emergency to go to the hospital.  My therapist and I are disappointed this route was taken.

How do I know I’m in a very low place right now?  I don’t have any motivation.  I don’t feel like doing anything that I usually enjoy.  I don’t feel like talking to people.  I, however, managed to do the dishes and I made a spaghetti dinner.

Listener

My primary physician took her time and actually LISTENED to my concerns. The clinic is never on-time, but after today’s visit I decided having a wonderful doctor is “worth the wait.” My doctor has given me medication to help my pain and has referred me to an orthopedic doctor for my knee since she says there is something “definitely wrong” with it.
 
In other news, my car insurance company has been great after the accident (two weeks ago). However, the insurance of the two others involved need to stop dragging their feet.  I hate driving the rental, a Toyota 4Runner.  I want my car repaired and returned.  I want everything to be resolved before my trip home; my much-needed vacation.

Home

We’ve made the move and I’m slowly unpacking.  I was able to have enough thyroid hormone in my body to allow me to do a little bit of work but I was hit with a triple whammy:  back pain, migraine, and a knee injury.  Right now I am doing alright.  The swelling in my knee has gone down a bit since I’ve been taking Advil and icing my knee in the evening.  The pain is still there and stairs are my enemy.  My knee clicks and pops and oh my gosh, ouch, ouch, ouch.  I’m at the point where I’m not sure if I’m doing more damage to my knee or not.  I have to keep moving or I will stiffen up and have the widespread pain cycle start all over.

The new place has southern and eastern exposure.  This means we get woken up naturally since I haven’t put up room darkening curtains.  This also means the electric bill will be a more than we are used to since it appears the air conditioner runs 70% of the time to keep it 72 degrees, up from the normal 68 degrees I enjoy.

There are a few annoyances with the new place, other than it being far from town.  The master bathroom door can’t be accessed unless the master bedroom door is closed because it opens toward the bathroom door.  The kitchen doesn’t have a lot of room for large, yet not so large, items (larger cutting board) because the bottom storage have a half shelf at the back.  It’s kind of stupid because even if I were to use the shelves, they’re so far back I would have to crawl on the floor to reach them.  I keep the Magic Bullet and blender in the box and the only place to put them is in the linen closet outside the guest bedroom, but only one can fit on the shelf.  I don’t like to store items under the sink or that would be the best option.  It is difficult to turn left out onto the highway since there is no traffic light.

I would like to say that I’m sleeping well, but I’m not.  I am dreaming all the time, even when I doze off for ten minutes.  I can clearly recall what’s happening, and at times, I am terrified by what I witness in my dreams.  My therapist hasn’t been able to help me because — surprise!  I haven’t been assigned one yet.  I get to call for my outpatient medication clinic appointment next week where I will at least mention my concerns.  It’s been almost two months and I feel like the depression side of things are not quite right.  I’m aware of what my triggers are and I’m doing my best to counter them.

I am going back home for two weeks in late August.  I’m crossing my fingers that Delta doesn’t change my flights again because I specifically chose my flights for their CRJ100/200 aircraft.

Also enjoying this gigabit Internet.