Mental Breakdown?

You may have noticed that I haven’t updated in ages. There has been a lot going on right now.

I met a new online buddy on Sunday. I don’t know what his name is, but I talked to him all night through early Monday morning. I don’t think I’ll talk to him again since the circumstances on how we met isn’t exactly “traditional.”

A message was left for me Tuesday afternoon about a possible job opening. I called about the offer Wednesday, but I didn’t think I would be called for an interview since I got the message a day late. I was told there is an embroidery position in St. Louis Park. I’m asking myself, “If I get this job, will this make up for the sadness I have had since I got laid off from my first job?” I looked at myself in the mirror. Obviously holding this in for over four years isn’t healthy. After I was laid off, fourteen years old mind you, I kept telling myself, “they were busy, they forgot to tell you…”

I have been having recurring nightmares about a specific event that happened ninth grade. I wonder if this actually happened, or if my mind made it up. This event probably explains why I have been staying away from a certain activity, even avoiding talking about it.

My iPod is filled with music. I’ve been lying in bed during the days and not doing much since I’m stressed out about things I do not wish to discuss. Period. Music is has helped me relax a bit, but I’m still stressed. So much, that when I wake up in the morning, get out of a chair, walk around after being in the same position for a long time; I’m unable to move. My muscles are so tight, I don’t think doing the tennis ball on the wall trick will cut it anymore. So tight, stretching doesn’t do anything. What I need is for someone to pull my limbs as if they were trying to remove them from the joints. The PT exercises haven’t been working for me, and I refuse to go back since I have an issue with the person I went to see. I tried to make a doctor appointment. It got canceled and rescheduled. Got canceled again and won’t be rescheduled since my doctor broke his leg. I’m saddened since I don’t know when he’ll return. He’s the only doctor that remains at the clinic that speaks English and doesn’t suggest gastric bypass surgery. Let’s see, if I were to lose half my body weight, I’d be a fucking toothpick.

Good Friday, What’s So Good About It?

You might be happy to know that I’m finally getting over this stress-induced respiratory cold. Wheezing and sounding like a man while you’re on the phone isn’t quite appealing…

I managed to put together a somewhat random layout. See? This is what happens to me when I stay up late and mess around in Photoshop for a few hours. I hope the colors look OK to everyone. This layout uses PNG graphics, so if someone using a non-broadband connection could tell me how fast it loads, I would be great full.

My mom and I were talking a few days ago about school. I know I’m going to be placed on academic suspension because my GPA and completion rate isn’t where it’s supposed to be. I was given this semester to work hard, but things haven’t worked out for me. I am thinking of going to see the psychologist I saw when I was younger to see if I can get a health insurance waiver. I need to be a full-time student, twelve credits or more, to stay on my parent’s health insurance plan. I don’t know what I want to do for a living; I’m taking the same path as my mom. I thought about going to get an associate in arts degree, but that won’t help me get a job when I’m done. Besides; I don’t like to “study.” I am looking into some computer science degree programs since it will introduce me into many areas of computers and I can pick a path when I reach that road.

I’ve been deep in thought the past two days. My thought has nothing to do with my employment issues. Recently, a friend from my past contacted me. I have a hard time making myself write this part, but I feel like it’s something I need to do. I posted the IM conversation as a private entry in my LiveJournal. I told my friend that I was “finally over him.” He then asked me to “explain.” I couldn’t.

Is it OK if I cry? I’m way too emotional right now. :'(

I guess that means one thing. I still love him. I don’t want to believe this since I already love someone; someone who actually loves me back! Sometimes I wish he hadn’t contacted me. His contact only makes me feel sadness. He was the only person pre-high school who actually was my friend. I suppose some would say, “Friends don’t keep their friendships a secret.” There’s something about his mommy; she doesn’t like me. She’s never met me, and I’m sure what happened in tenth grade didn’t help the image she held for me. I’m sorry I had to tell the principal it was you who sent those messages, but I had to do it. I couldn’t keep taking the blame for what others did. After the incident, I was surprised to know that you still kept in touch with me. Since then it’s been the same kind of contact: random, quick “hello’s” and spur-of the moment invitations. But, when something happens that almost exposes the fact that we still talk to each other, you stop all contact and make me wonder when you’re going to contact me next.

My mom chose to go into work this afternoon. She had a bad day at work, so she was in one of “her moods.” She took my out for lunch at Noodles. I ate a bowl of macaroni and cheese with broccoli in the van. After lunch, she went to the eyeglasses store and bought new sunglasses. The frames she picked out were purple plastic, and the lenses covered the entire eye area. In a way, I picked them out for her since I thought the color was pretty. She made a spur-of-the-moment decision to buy a pair of “regular” glasses since the eyeglasses store was holding a BOGO sale. After ordering the glasses, she took me to the drugstore and KMart. I got something for someone. We then went back home, talked to my dad for a bit, and went back out so my mom could pick up her glasses. The new sunglasses were so big, she couldn’t find a glasses case big enough for them. The salesperson then came out with a Burberry case that the other salesperson referred to as “the money.” My mom didn’t know what they were talking about, but I did. As soon as we got back in the van, I took out this glasses case. I am now referring to this glasses case as the “Burberry rock.”

Is Burberry such a high-end item here that the salespeople don’t put it with the other glasses cases? Is it because they know us “rich folk” know what that item is and will eat it up? Or is it because this case is as big as a rock? :p

After picking up the glasses, my mom and I went to Circuit City and bought seventy dollars worth in DVD videos. We were in the store for a good hour, or more. While we were there, my mom ordered that nifty GPS and software Jameson has on his laptop. My mom thinks it will help her when she’s in Albuquerque, New Mexico. After Circuit City, we went out for dinner.

It seems like a lot of people from my past have come into contact with me. This evening, shortly after my mom and I finished our supper at a restaurant, I glanced to my right and saw a familiar face. I’m sure we all hate this, but I can’t concentrate if I see a face I’ve seen before but can’t put a name on it. The person was my old HTML/A+ teacher and his wife. Initially, it was the wife’s face I saw. She did some substituting for the school district and had seen her around the school. (Being a school of only about 100 students, you can’t help but notice new faces.) I looked at the table, again, and saw my old teacher. They were leaving just as we were ready to, and he is still teaching at the school. I’m happy to know that the school is doing well with their new principal and assistant principal. I just hope that with the new support staff, the school remains what it was intended for; students who need “academic help”, not druggies or pregnant teens. I mean, come on. Getting pregnant just so you can go to a certain school is a bit outrageous, don’t you think?

Upon returning home from dinner, I come to find that some asshole used my computer and couldn’t even admit it! I know this for a fact since I had all my stuff open, only to come home with Linux partially booted up, asking for login details. I go to restart my computer, and someone fucked my computer up since they didn’t know what the hell they were doing. *cough* Dad?

My mom says my dad doesn’t tell me this stuff since he knows I will react like this. Unless some magic fairy did this to my computer, which is about 99.9% unlikely, (sorry to those of you who believe in faeries) someone should admit to making fixing my computer an hour of hell! I’d be less pissed if someone could admit to being wrong for a chance!

How do you tell someone that something they said to you hurt your feelings? I’m crushed by what I keep reading…

I think too much.

Fargo Is Not In Minnesota!!!

I went to the fabric store the other day, and struck up a conversation with a nice older lady. She was with her husband who was quite old and appeared to be somewhat senile. The woman said they were going to be celebrating their fortieth wedding anniversary on Tuesday. I told them that’s wonderful, since not many couples can make it that long anymore. Somehow, the conversation turned to me, and I was asked if I had children. I told her I didn’t, and then I was asked if I was married. I told her I wasn’t since I’m too young to get married. The man then said, “Well, this pretty girl has to have a boyfriend.” I was put off by his comment, and then I told the couple that I did have a boyfriend, but I don’t think we’re going to get married anytime soon.

“He’s afraid of commitment.”

The woman then told me, “You know what you need to do? You need to talk non-stop about wanting to get married. That’s the only reason this guy right here [points to her husband] is married to me. I kept nagging him.”

Is anyone thinking what I’m thinking?

No wonder her husband is insane.

I’m looking for a job. I came across this:


Perhaps the number one thing that pisses me off about that image:

FARGO IS NOT IN MINNESOTA. (I know this since I can read a map and I was there.) Ever since Fargo came out, a few people think it’s in Minnesota. It’s not. Making the dropdown list contain “Fargo” and “MN” on the same line should be outlawed. Solution: MN – Moorhead MN – Fargo