My parents arrived in town last Wednesday. The day was beautiful and I spent most of the afternoon in my car at the airport overlook. I have noticed it has become busy recently, and I hope it is because school is out for break and not that my secret unwinding spot has become more known. The airport has updated the hourly parking to include the first hour free. This is a nice incentive for non-lazy people like me; the traffic at arrivals and departures often has long delays. I waited at baggage claim for my parents to arrive, and when I saw them I ran toward my mom and gave her a hug.
The excitement of seeing my parents wore off quickly. I feel like I was a bad hostess because my mom made me realize how much pain I’m in. I think I first noticed it last week when we were out and about on a shopping run. I started to sweat. I went numb. And then I had a burst of adrenaline that made me make a dash for the closest place to stretch and relax. My mom made me take my Tramadol. I have to please my current doctor because she’s not willing to do much for me since I don’t have much history of back pain; I’ve pretty much ignored it until it gets bad enough that I lie on the floor and deal with it in my own unique way.
Friday afternoon I did a weekly grocery trip and that was my best day as far as pain. I lasted a long time but got to the point where I hurt so much that I pretty much tuned everything out. I could have been stabbed in the back and I wouldn’t have cared. I made a new recipe for dinner, green chili enchiladas. My parents loved them. Me, not so much, but I rarely love things I cook for myself. It’s the whole “made with love” ingredient that I’m missing.
My parents bought a Honey Baked Ham for Easter dinner. I made company casserole, my “secret” recipe of hashbrowns and cheese baked to bubbly and golden perfection.
We went to Discovery Place on Monday. It is a museum geared toward families and children, but they had an exhibit of plasticized bodies and body systems. It was strange and educational at the same time. The first room had embryos and fetuses that had been preserved. The first was an embryo at five weeks. Tiny. At the stage that women barely know they’re pregnant so I find it amazing that such small specimens were able to be preserved. I got somewhat angry after seeing them. Strongly pro-choice, I find it hard to believe that some politicians and individuals are against reproductive choice – these specimens look nothing like humans and are the size of apple seeds. (I was eight or nine weeks when I terminated my pregnancy.) I have other thoughts in my mind but I’m sure to save them for when shit does down the drain in this country.
Most of the time I spent with my parents was in the car. I drove them to stores and other places they wanted to visit. I feel kind of guilty for not spending more time with them but I hurt so much. I wish they weren’t here because I liked being in pain and not knowing it. Now I feel like I can’t do my normal everyday activities without being reminded how much I hurt.
April is here. The weather is gorgeous except last night there was a thunderstorm that rolled through. April showers bring May flowers! I have been all over the place as far as emotional health. I have to thank a friend for keeping me grounded and for making me see the large picture instead of the smaller, important pieces.