The Staycation

Staycation.  Its meaning is simple; a short getaway near one’s home.  After hubby’s medical procedure, his time off work was getting to both of us.  We were bored and were going stir-crazy.  By Thursday afternoon I felt like I was ready to pull my hair out.  After dinner that night I became stressed from a lot of overthinking, perhaps, and told hubby things that I haven’t explained to him.  This “oversharing” and telling him my feelings and what’s on my mind are making our relationship stronger.  I’m still working to gain his trust; I don’t expect it to happen overnight.

The loss of trust because I fucked up.  Halfway.

Therapy is going well but is getting rather expensive due to not being covered by insurance.  I am getting to the root of my problems.  In early November I was ready to stop going to my sessions because it became too painful.  Discussing very private topics, with a man, no less, can be embarrassing.  But I see my therapist as helping me very much and I plan to continue to go to my sessions.  During the last session I had last week, I mentioned that I was depressed.  A few weeks before that I was feeling on top of the world.  My therapist suggested I call my psychiatric nurse practitioner to see if my medications can be changed before my appointment, which is on Friday.  I was told nothing could be done and that if I had an emergency to go to the hospital.  My therapist and I are disappointed this route was taken.

How do I know I’m in a very low place right now?  I don’t have any motivation.  I don’t feel like doing anything that I usually enjoy.  I don’t feel like talking to people.  I, however, managed to do the dishes and I made a spaghetti dinner.

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