A Recent Birthday

I recently had a birthday. I received happy birthday wishes from the “important” people in my life minus that of my husband (until 30 minutes before midnight).  Shocking, I know.  The day was spent trying to fix an apartment stove followed by a two and a half hour wait at the North Carolina DMV office waiting for my license to be transferred.  While I was waiting in line, my husband walked across the parking lot and a driver nearly ran him over.  The person who almost ran him over was getting a behind-the-wheel test.  Needless to say, they failed and cried to mommy.  I knew that I’d make my husband’s night when I told him this!

(Birthday “dinner” at IHOP was horrible and I’m never eating at the one on Woodlawn.)

I’ve been back in North Carolina for just under a week.  I left my husband a second time on impulse, you could say.  I had a lousy week in Florida and I realized the grass isn’t greener on the other side.  Empathy can be a curse, like my last entry said.  I’m finding it very difficult to tell Jason that I don’t want a relationship with him.  This might be impossible at this point, but I’d like to remain friends.  I can’t tell him this because I care a lot about how others feel, and I know that giving him this “news” will really upset him.  (It will also upset him if I lead him on, and I can’t decide which is worse.)  Jason thinks I’m back in Minnesota living with my parents.  He does not know that I am working things out with my husband.

Will the constant removal of Real ID, not talking on Skype, absent text messages tell him the obvious?

The stars were trying to tell me something when my unemployment didn’t go through: Amanda does not belong in Florida.

I don’t know what I want.

I have two amazing friends who tell me what I need to hear, offer support, listen, and are overall the two most honest and caring people I’ve met.  Well, I’ve met one and will probably never meet the other and I am perfectly fine with that.  I made a comment to my husband that I’d like him to meet the friend I met in Charlotte, just so my husband can feel more secure about our relationship.  I can’t introduce my husband to my other friend since my husband has a mindset that it isn’t possible to be friends with someone that you’ve never met face-to-face.  I owe one a great big hug and the other…a virtual hug I guess?

I want to be this happy again.  I’m getting there.  Slowly, but faster than I expected.

And no, I have not been in a creative mood and therefore have not done anything with the site.

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