Day three, yesterday, horrible. I mean, absolutely horrible. Had me thinking why I was even there, too much to learn; way too overwhelming.
I was this close (one inch) from withdrawing this afternoon…
Today was day four. Get in earlier than usual, walk up the stairs, feeling kind of frumpy, not awake. Not actively participating because I the only reason I went into school today was to tell an instructor, preferably Jim, my reasons for dropping from the program. I did it because I don’t like it when people tell me that kind of stuff over the phone *cough* Jerk. *cough* Switched things up a bit my switching my seat in the classroom. My excuse was to see if instructor Chuck really knew our names, or if it was from seat recognition. He proved me wrong. The “real” reason I switched my seat was to make it easier to drop a note to the person that helped me the most during the past two days in the yard. Basically explaining that I appreciated their help, but if I’m not here tomorrow it’s because I’ve officially withdrawn from the program because I’m confused as hell, even with their help.
As the day went on, I didn’t do much. I really, really wanted to do the pre-trip inspection just because it would keep me from getting behind the wheel. Didn’t want to do that – was trying my hardest from getting there today, until Jim came up to me and asked me how things were going. Specifically, asking questions like, “How’s the shifting? And the jerking? You shaking up and down a lot?” Not really knowing what my answers would do, I told him the truth. Sure, I keep forgetting that reverse is…shit, somewhere.
Jim ended up having me meet him by one of the tractors, then met up with another student. Neither of us had any idea what was going on. Then Jim told one of us to sit in the back, one in the passenger, and save room in the back for another student. Jim took us on the range with a trailer. And each of us got our first 2.5 driving miles.
And then I realized it’s not as bad as I thought.
On this, day four, things finally clicked in. What’s up with that? Why do things finally click in after they smack a trailer on your bum and make you drive around in a circle? Put me in a tractor and I’m thinking “fuck this.” Gimme the trailer, “yes!”
The end of the day, a few of my lab partners told me that I should stick it out at least one more day. And I told them I’d go home and think about it. But in reality, going home makes me want to quit, being in the yard and range makes me want to work harder.
Just goes to show that attitude is everything.
I have a secret; I’m playing a game. And I’m lovin’ it!